Alex Christofi, Dostoevsky in Love (Bloomsbury Continuum, London, UK, 2021), p. 53
With only a New Testament for company (in prison), Fyodor Dostoevsky had spent the past four years thinking deeply about God and religion. “At such a time one thirsts for faith as withered grass thirsts for water. I am a child of this century, a child of doubt and disbelief, I always have been always will be (I know that), until they close the lid of my coffin. But despite all that, there is nothing more beautiful, more profound, more sympathetic, more reasonable, more courageous, more perfect than Christ. Moreover, if someone succeeded in proving to me that Christ wasn’t real, I would rather stay with Christ than with the truth. (Fydor Dostoevsky, Letter to Natalia Fonvizina, 20 February 1854).