By Rev. Dr. Ed Hird
Perhaps the best known and most misunderstood bible saying is ‘Judge not, lest you be judged’ from Matthew 7:1. Most of us find it painful to be around people, including spouses, who are being very judgmental and negative. Dr. John Gottman talks about the ‘four horsemen of the Apocalypse’ that can predict with 94% accuracy the likelihood of divorce: 1) criticism 2) contempt 3) defensiveness and 4) stonewalling.[1] When Jesus famously tells us not to judge, he is not telling us to be undiscerning, but rather not to condemn and reject other people with whom we may disagree. Yes, there is a place for constructive criticism with our spouses, family, coworkers and friends, but it needs to rooted in an environment of love, acceptance and encouragement. This is why Dr John Gottman found that in healthy marriages and relationships, people make five positive comments for every negative comment.[2]
The late Billy Graham insightfully said this year that being judgmental and constantly criticizing others is wrong in the eyes of God.[3] It is not one of the gifts of the Spirit, like the gift of encouragement.[4] Dr. Graham, who has spoken in person to over 260 million people, observed that a judgmental attitude also blinds us to our own faults. (Have you ever noticed that judgmental people almost never criticize themselves?) Jesus said that such judgmentalism is like having a log in our eye while trying to doing eye surgery on someone else’s speck of sawdust. Judgmental people are often very insecure, and are constantly seeking to build themselves up. One way they do this is by tearing other people down. But in reality, said Dr. Graham, they end up tearing themselves down also, because no one wants to be their friend. Judgmental people are often the loneliest people on earth.
Jesus gave us a difficult task: to judge or discern nonjudgmentally: “Why don’t you judge for yourselves what is right?” (Luke 12:54) At the heart of judgmentalism is prejudice, which means to pre-judge, to judge too quickly before you have taken time to examine the facts. It is not a sin to have moral convictions about right and wrong, but we need to take the time to carefully listen to other people’s viewpoints and never condemn other people when we disagree with them. I will always remember my sister advising me about a difficult situation: “Be kind.” We can all learn to be more kind like Jesus, gentle like Jesus, humble like Jesus, and nonjudgmental like Jesus. Even when Jesus challenged people to repent and turn from sin and selfishness, he was always loving, tolerant, and kind.
You can’t reach people for Christ to whom you are being judgmental. Judgmentalism just drives them away. With the Festival of Hope, perhaps we could prepare for it by pulling the log of judgmentalism out of our eyes. Is there anyone in your life that you need to stop judging?
Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin
-an article adapted for the Light Magazine and the Deep Cove Crier/North Shore News
[1] Dr John Gottman, Frequently Asked Questions, https://www.gottman.com/about/research/faq/ (accessed Oct 8th 2016)
[2] Ellie Lisitsa, “The Positive Perspective: Dr. Gottman’s Magic Ratio!”, December 5, 2012 https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-positive-perspective-dr-gottmans-magic-ratio/ (accessed Oct 8th 2016)
[3] Billy Graham, Answers, March 17th 2016, https://billygraham.org/answer/show-compassion-toward-those-who-are-critical-and-judgmental (accessed October 8th 2016)
[4] Billy Graham http://www.azquotes.com/quote/954248 (accessed October 8th 2016)
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Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version. You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
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