Our first Rwandan marriage seminar was in Ruhanga (West of the Kigali capital) led by Archbishop Emmanuel & Freida #Kolini. The turnout by enthusiastic couples was most encouraging. Those teaching on marriage, men, and family included Rev Christopher Caudle of New Covenant Church in Florida, the Kolinis, Janice P Hird, and myself. The Hirds taught on marriage (based on our new book For Better, For Worse).
Rev Dr Canon Tim Smith of Christ Church in Mobile Alabama had given a Men’s Workshop there the day before. Tim+ leads the “Men in the Mirror” ministry, which strengthens men in their call to be godly loving husbands and fathers.
We had previously in May 2018 taught a marriage seminar in Ruhanga, organized by the Archdeacon, Canon Mugenzi Marcel. As the previous Anglican church building had been closed a month ago pending required upgrades, we met alternatively in a neighbouring Mugera Anglican Church building that we were driven to along a hilly bumpy road. Janice and I taught yesterday from Ephesians 4:17-19 on “Transforming our Hardened Hearts in Marriage”. Spouses can easily get hearts of stone through unforgiveness to their spouses’ insensitivity to their marital needs. We taught how radical forgiveness of our often clueless spouses can revolutionize a marriage, making our marriage into a powerful witness of Christ’s transforming love to our neighbours. Janice is such an engaging story-teller, similar to her 95-year old pastor father, Rev David Cline. Janice shared about forgiving her parents, particularly for their not being there through workaholism in their busy church work. In many cultures, women feel rejected and unloved because of their gender. Generational forgiveness of one’s parents helps remove the bitterness and resentment (hard heart) that often cripples current marriage relationships. I have a generational propensity towards unforgiveness, hard hearts, bitterness, and resulting emotional cutoff from family of origin and spouse. I have not always handled conflict well, sometimes being a conflict avoider, sometimes too defensive, sometimes not gentle enough. Perhaps you and your family have similar challenges.
Do you need to forgive your parents for favouring your brother? Are you willing to forgive your spouse for the many ways that he/she has disappointed you, often unintentionally. As Rev Chris Caudle reminded us, you can only forgive in the power of the Holy Spirit.
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.
To receive a personally signed copy of any of our books within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link.
After the first marriage seminar in Ruhanga, we went for the next four days with Archbishop Emmanuel #Kolini and Rev Dr Tim Smith to speak on marriage at the Kibungo Diocesan Annual Conference involving 1200 participants. Kibungo, where we were previously in May is in Eastern Rwanda near the Tanzanian border. Click to view some Kibungo Convention photos.
It was a privilege to be teaching along with other great speakers like Archbishop Emmanuel Kolini, Rev Dr Tim Smith of Alabama, Bishop Assiel of Kigeme, Bishop Nathan of Butare, Bishop John Ruchayana, and Rev Dr Antoine, Principal of the Kigali Theological Seminary. Drawing on our new book For Better, For Worse), the Hirds taught on forgiveness and the five languages of apology in one’s marriage , based on Gary Chapman’s amazing book.
Click to see a glimpse of the joy and dancing at the Kibungo Convention in Eastern Rwanda near Tanzania.
Click to see dancing to the Lord, like King David did, at the four day Kibungo convention in eastern #Rwanda, where Janice P Hird and I taught on marriage, based on our new book For Better, For Worse.
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link. To receive a personally signed copy of any of our books within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
Thank you for your prayers as we flew again to Rwanda to teach on marriage.
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.
To receive a personally signed copy of any of our books within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link.
The more we nonjudgmentally observe, the less we cut off in our marriage. Most of us, as Jesus taught, have a log in our eye that blinds us from seeing the obvious. Jesus challenged us to remove the log from our own eye before we try to take the splinter out of another person’s eye. Such blindness is rooted in the difficulty of seeing things that do not fit one’s theoretical frame of reference. We underestimate how difficult it can be to perceive things that we do not want to see. One has to become an observer before it is possible to see. The less we see, the more we disconnect from each other. The more we see, the greater our neutrality. Conversely the greater the neutrality, the more we see in our marriage.
Ed and Janice lacked this neutrality for many years. Janice liked to spend money, buying pretty things and clothes. Ed didn’t want to spend money, wanting only to save it. Janice would get upset if Ed tried to slow down her spending. The things were on sale, just for that week. When the bills came in, there would be tension over how to juggle the finances. In more recent years, we have developed more neutrality around our spending and saving habits and are more able to objectively discuss finances without blaming or cutting off.
The ideal neutrality, said Daniel Papero, is like quietly watching the ripples of a mountain pond. Gilbert and Bowen likened such neutral observing to putting on a lab coat like a scientist or watching from a space craft. Bowen compared this to moving from a playing field to the top of a stadium to watch a football game. This observational discipline is like making use of a personal trainer at a gym. Many people turn up at the gym in January, hoping for the post-Christmas quick fix. By February, discouragement and dropout set in for many. It is too easy to lose heart and give up. Learning to become an observational scientist in one’s marriage is just as challenging. It takes time to retrain and develop the power of observation. This is, in fact, a lifetime project till death do us part. Through developing our observational biceps, we still have feelings but they don’t have us. They don’t control our life decisions or define our core self. This is not about being a 21st-century unfeeling Dr. Spock of Star Trek fame. As Richardson commented,
Being differentiated does not mean becoming unfeeling. Well-differentiated people never lose touch with their feelings, and they can experience and express feelings when necessary. They recognize feelings as one source of information about what is going on in their lives. They can also be passionate in their feelings if they choose. The critical element in a well-differentiated person is this choice. They can decide whether or not to act on feelings.
It was encouraging to see how many of the Strengthening Marriage Workshop participants embraced this new way of seeing. Thinking like a scientist, which reduces observational blindness, holds great promise for bridging marital cutoff. Reducing emotional cutoff through increasing one’s objectivity is very demanding. Are we willing to own our part? Owning our part is very challenging because we are often so remarkably blind and defensive. How willing are you to accept influence from your spouse? As Jeremiah 17:9 painfully reminds us, our hearts are deceitful above all things. Reducing cutoff requires a radically objective assessment of one’s self, not just one’s spouse. In the Strengthening Marriage Workshop, we taught several times over the four weeks on the concept of objectivity:
“Objectivity means for each of us in our marriage to become almost like a scientist or a space astronaut observing ourselves and our own marriage. We need that little bit of detachment, but that is hard because we tend to become swallowed in the intensity of our emotions. If we can become objective, it does something remarkable…. What if we didn’t blame ourselves either? What if we became an observer, a scientist, someone who is looking for understanding rather than blaming? … What if we said: “I’m going to watch this. I can feel my blaming coming on. I am going to slow down, have a coffee and watch what is happening”? … You have to, at some point, be neutral about the very marriage that you are committed to, not that you cease to be committed but that you have a degree of detachment. You begin to watch yourself and your marriage like a scientist.”
How objective is your thinking about your marriage?
Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.
To receive a personally signed copy of any of our books within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link.
Click to check out Janice’s and my sermon “Revolutionary Love on Trinity Sunday” (John 3:16), where we told stories about their recent three week trip to Uganda and Rwanda, teaching on marriage.
Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.
To receive a personally signed copy of any of our books within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link.
Audrey Mabley: “I picked up the ‘For Better, For Worse‘ book by Rev. Dr. Ed & Janice P Hird. As I read Chapter One, I could not put it down until the chapter was over … it was so very enlightening to bless my relationship with my husband of 40+ years … the simple yet amazing insight was easy to understand and seemed likewise( easy) to put into practise when I mentioned what I discovered to my husband he has the biggest smile !
Thank you ! I will eagerly read on…”
Most Sincerely,
Rev Audrey Mabley
Founder of Eternity Club ministry ( 1979)
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.
To receive a personally signed copy of any of our books within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link.
On May 5th to 22nd, my wife Janice and I spent three weeks in Uganda and Rwanda speaking on marriage and renewal. We first spoke, by invitation of Canon Medad Birungi, at the Healing for the Nations Conference in Rwentobo, Ntungamo, the site of the East Africa Revival. 30,000 people attended this annual renewal conference. We met Canon Medad through our good friends Pastors Giulio and Lina Gabeli of Westwood Church in Coquitlam. He came to visit our St. Simon’s people at a midweek gathering held at one of our congregant’s houses. After our time in Uganda, which will involve a brief safari, we went 100 miles south to Kigali, the capital of Rwanda where we were invited by Archbishop Emmanuel Kolini to lead some marriage conferences.
We brought our new marriage book with us. The title for our new book is ‘For Better, For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship.” The book is a popular reworking of my doctoral thesis produced five years ago.
Here is an excerpt from our new book to whet your interest:
Kneeling at the communion rail with her ex-husband, Linda said to her priest, Ed, “Someday I would like to marry Lloyd again.” As Linda had said this several times before in previous sessions—and Lloyd had said the same—Ed said “Why not now?” She replied, “Sure, why not?” Everyone was thrilled that the communion unexpectedly concluded with a romantic marriage service. Linda and Lloyd had been divorced for six years before remarrying that day.[1] We will never forget that wedding celebration. Linda and Lloyd later took part in our Strengthening Marriage Workshop, and discovered new ways to improve their relationship.
What if we told you that this book, if you put its principles into practice, would send you on a romantic adventure with your beloved? What if we told you that, by reading and applying this book, you would discover the keys to a lasting satisfying relationship? Marriage is very important to Ed and Janice (authors of this book and organizers of the Strengthening Marriage Workshop). We have learned much in forty years of marriage, for better and for worse at times, and want to help other couples benefit from our discoveries about how to have a lasting, fulfilling marriage. We have made many painful mistakes in our marriage. In For Better, for Worse, we pull back the veil on our imperfect marriage and share some of our embarrassing and often humorous moments. Authentic, non-judgmental story-telling is one of the keys to healing of relationships, especially in marriage. Too many marriages nowadays crash and burn. It doesn’t have to be that way. Are you willing to try an experiment on how to do relationships in a whole new way? Would you like to end the cycle of broken relationships and marriages among your family and friends? Healing can start with you. You may remember how Jesus asked the probing question “Do you want to be well?”[2] Do you want your present or future marriage to be whole and healthy?
This book is written for married couples, engaged couples, and those interested in being married one day. Ed and Janice learned extensively about Family Systems Theory while Ed was doing his doctorate. This book integrates family and biblical wisdom about how to strengthen one’s marriage and relationships. Each of the seventeen chapters unpacks key elements of what a healthy marriage can look like. The first four chapters cover the four weeks of the Strengthening Marriage Workshop, developed during the doctoral studies. The four-fold focus of these four weeks is on strengths, differences, conflict, and intimacy. Even if you read and apply just the first four chapters, you will gain new eyes to understand your marriage relationship in a brand new way. Are you tired of seeing your partner with the same old eyes? Would you like to discover who they really are, beyond the mask?
To say “for better, for worse” sounds very romantic on the wedding day. To live it out ’til death do us part is much more challenging. Many couples naively think that because of their loving feelings toward each other, they won’t face the “for worse” part. Do we have the courage to radically embrace the gift and challenge of the marriage vows “for better, for worse”? Marital joy is a deep joy that spills over into every corner of a family. Marital pain, likewise, is a deep family pain. We know of few families who have not experienced both joy and deep pain in their primary relationships. Has this been the case for your family? This book is about coming alongside people who long for more stable and satisfying marriages. Throughout the book, questions are asked that you can work on, perhaps through journalling and, at the right time, through sharing with your partner. Thoughtful questions can take your relationship to a whole new level of intimacy. If you even half-embrace the principles in this book, your marriage will never be the same.
[1] Names have been changed. It was not a coincidence that our St. Simon’s North Vancouver congregation had just the day before taken a bold and costly stance for marriage. We believe that this wedding was a token of the Lord’s favour on our new adventure in which we as a congregation took a stand for biblical marriage. To learn more about this journey, you are invited to read Ed’s earlier book Battle for the Soul of Canada.
Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.
To receive a personally signed copy of any of our books within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link.
Prime Minister Lester Pearson’s wife Maryon once famously quipped “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.”[1] The late Billy Graham, who died at age 99, was recently named for the 60th consecutive year in a Gallup poll as one of the ten most admired people in the world, along with Bernie Sanders, Pope Francis, and Bill Gates.[2] It was Ruth Graham his devoted wife for sixty-three years who enabled Billy Graham to be healthy in the midst of relentless international attention. Without Ruth’s loving care for their five children, it would have been impossible for Billy Graham to have taken part in 417 city-wide celebrations in 185 countries, speaking to live audiences of nearly 215 million people.[3] Billy and Ruth Graham were a Valentine’s love story that we can all learn from.
Ruth, who lived her first seventeen years in China, never wanted to marry, intending instead to become a missionary in Tibet. After going to school in North Korea, she moved to Wheaton College in Illinois. There in 1940, she met her future husband Billy who instantly fell in love with her. Ruth was slightly startled by his intense blue eyes. As her biographer Patricia Cornwell put it, “Billy was unlike anyone Ruth had met….earnest, quietly confident, and personal. Clearly he spoke as one who knew God and knew him well…But what interested Ruth was that as Billy escorted her…,he seemed completely unaware of his uniqueness, his poignancy, his gift.”[4] Billy was very nervous around Ruth, but eventually invited Ruth to hear Handel’s Messiah with him. That night Ruth knelt on the carpet by her bed and prayed, ‘God, if You let me serve with that man, I’d consider it the greatest privilege in my life.’[5] Ruth wrote to her medical missionary parents in China, saying: “Despite Bill’s fearlessness and sometimes sternness, he is just as thoughtful and gentle as you want a man to be…he makes you feel perfectly natural and looked after without being showy or obnoxious. Sounds like I’m in love, doesn’t it? Don’t get worried. I’m not.”[6] Both Billy and Ruth were independent and very determined people which led to some early challenges in their relationship. It was normal in Ruth’s family for women to be strong and outspoken, something that Billy had to get used to. In writing to her parents in 1941, she said: “(Billy) isn’t easy to love because of his sternness and unwavering stand on certain issues. Many a night I have come in almost hating the man because I wanted my way in some little thing that was either unwise or foolish or something, and he wouldn’t give in even if it meant losing my love…”[7] Sometimes Billy and Ruth could be the immovable object and the irresistible force. Writing to her parents later in 1941, she said: “(Billy) has his faults and some people object to his fearless, uncompromising presentation of the gospel. But that was the first thing about him that commanded my attention and later my admiration –as I grew to know him better, my trust.”[8]
After accepting his marriage proposal, she visited her sister Rosa in a New Mexico TB Sanitarium. While there suffering from exhaustion, she wrote Billy a crushing letter, telling him that she didn’t think that she was in love with him and that marriage was perhaps unwise.[9] Her sister miraculously recovered, and Ruth went ahead with the wedding. Cornwell commented: “What Ruth would do next, no one could predict, for she was as quietly stubborn as the sphinx and just about as inscrutable…She didn’t necessarily do the practical or the expected.”[10]
One of the greatest challenges to their marriage was how much Billy was away. Ruth often said: “I would rather have a little of Bill than a lot of any other man.”[11] Many of Billy Graham’s sermon illustrations came directly from Ruth’s voracious reading of biographies, histories, novels, books about art and foreign countries.[12] It was Ruth’s deep faith in God that kept her going through many trying times. One time after Billy unexpectedly went with his buddies to Chicago without Ruth, she tearfully prayed: “God, if you forgive me for marrying him, I’ll never do it again.” When he realized how much he hurt her, he was full of tender apologies.[13]Ruth often said: “Sometimes beautiful women develop from adjusting to difficult men.”[14] By all accounts, Ruth was a beautiful woman in body, mind and spirit. Her medical missionary dad, her evangelist husband Billy and her beloved ‘prodigal’ son Franklin all helped her become more beautiful.
In 1963, Billy wrote to Ruth: “How can I find words to express my appreciation for all you have meant to me. Your love and patience with me in my ups and downs…have meant more to me than you will ever know. Your counsel, advice, encouragement, and prayer have been my mainstay….It seems in the recent months my capacity to love you has deepened…I love the wife of my youth more every day!…Yes, I am thankful to God for you…No child ever had a greater mother than our children.”[15]
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.
To receive a personally signed copy within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link.
Every week I meet with people for coaching sessions in local coffeeshops. Since doing a Deep Cove Crier article on David
Bentall’s earlier bestselling book The Company You Keep, I met weekly with two other people to do a book study on David’s books. His newest book Leaving a Legacyhas taught me a lot about the possibilities and pitfalls of family businesses. David is from the third generation of a Greater Vancouver family whose members are well-known real estate developers.[1] For twenty years, David worked in the family business, including seven years as president and CEO of Dominion Construction, during which time they built the $100 million Rogers Arena.[2]
In reading David’s new book, I learned that family businesses on average last twenty-four years, twice as long as other companies.[3] The oldest family business Kongo Gumi Company has been in existence for 1414 years so far.[4] The average CEO only last five years, in contrast to family business leadership that can last for decades.[5] I had no idea that approximately 85% of all companies worldwide are family businesses.[6] As the ‘economic engine of the global economy’, family businesses provide 50% of North American wages.[7]
David’s book helps family businesses to integrate family and business, so that one’s business does not destroy one’s family.[8] Wise families always put family first and business second. David comments: “In business, success is measured by profits earned; whereas in a family, the yardstick is love.”[9] Money given unwisely to one’s children ends up being a curse: “They don’t need more money or more stuff. They need more of their parents’ time and more of their love.”[10] One of the challenges of family businesses is that the new generation has often not been mentored regarding what it really means to work.[11] David encourages family business members to initially work outside of the family firm in order to gain perspective.[12] Growing up in the shadow of highly successful parents can cause the new generation to suffer from an acute sense of inadequacy. David comments: “To say that my self-esteem was fragile would be an understatement.”[13] Many family businesses suffer from lack of good governance policies and structures.[14] Less than 1% of family businesses, says David, have effective boards.[15] The Bentall family paid a high price because of this omission, resulting in a ‘fractured wasteland of broken relationships’.[16] David has dedicated his life as a consultant and executive life coach helping other family businesses avoid these same costly mistakes.[17] His transparencies about his own leadership foibles make compelling reading. He freely admits that he used to suffer from the need to always be right.[18] “Nothing was too sacred for me”, said David, “I began charging about the company, tilting at windmills.”[19]
David and I go back a long way. He was there the night that I came to a personal faith in Christ at age 17. David mentored and encouraged me in my first steps of faith. He has been able to integrate his faith and his business life in a way that is not often seen. Genuine faith walks the walk, not just talks the talk.
One of the generational strengths of the Bentall family is integrity.[20] Granddad Charles Bentall was famous for building downtown skyscrapers on no more than a handshake.[21] Jimmy Pattison commented: “David C. Bentall is a man of great integrity and depth. He’s also insightful and caring.”[22] My prayer for those reading this article is that we too will leave a lasting legacy of integrity.[23]
The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin
-an article previously published in the North Shore News/Deep Cove Crier
[1] David C. Bentall, Leaving a Legacy (Castle Quay Books, Pickering, Ontario, 2012), 5.
[17] Bentall, 240. “…most importantly, I want to offer the next generation mentoring and coaching.”
[18] Bentall, 134, 334. “I have always wanted to be right, and I really don’t like being wrong…During the first 10 years of my career, I didn’t understand that love trumps being right. Blinded by my own self-righteousness, I was a strident advocate of doing things right. Unfortunately this created in me a very critical spirit.”
[23] Bentall, 242. “If we build a business, we may leave a legacy of industriousness. If we serve, we may leave a legacy of service. If we love, we can leave a legacy of love. Our legacy will not be created tomorrow; it is created by how we live today.”
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.
To receive a personally signed copy within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link.
We fell in love forty three years ago, and have never looked back. With three adult sons and two grandchildren, we are so grateful for the gift of family. This past summer has been a time of family reunions for many of us. We deeply appreciated the opportunities to hang out with our family members, particularly those who live far away.
Most families are complicated and messy. Reconnecting with our family members during the summer can be challenging for many people. Setting boundaries with people that we love is never easy. Saying no to our family members, even when necessary, can sometimes be really hard. Even Jesus, who was never unloving, had problems at times with his family. He said that sometimes there would be painful division even within our families. Jesus said that family cannot be the ultimate, but rather a penultimate very high priority. He said that if we sought first God’s kingdom, then everything would go better, including our relationships with our family.
One time Jesus was so involved with helping people that he did not have time to eat. This so upset his family and friends that they decided that he must be out of his mind. In some cultures, skipping a family meal is almost unforgivable. Eating three square meals a day is on the same level for some families as following the Ten Commandments or the Golden Rule. Because there was such a large crowd, his mother and brothers could not even reach Jesus. You can imagine how their anxiety level would have been spiking.
In the midst of family anxiety, Jesus had a very clear idea of who he was and what he was called to do. This gave him the courage to say no to his family, when they were trying to stop his important work. He said the shocking phrase: “Who is my mother? And who are my brothers?” If we said that with our families, they would not likely be pleased. They might say back to us, “What are you talking about, Ed and Janice? We are your family. We were there at your wedding thirty-eight years ago.” Jesus went on to memorably say “ My family, my mother , brothers and sisters are those who do the Father’s will”. Family for Jesus is bigger than just the physical nuclear family. Jesus dearly loved his nuclear family, but he had to remind them that even our family cannot come first in our lives. This is not an easy lesson to learn, because we love our families so dearly. Our prayer for those reading this article is that we may learn to celebrate the gift of family in a way that still allows us the freedom to say no, to set healthy boundaries.
The Rev. Dr. Ed and Janice Hird, BMus. (BSW, MDiv, DMin)
-an article previously published in the Deep Cove Crier/North Shore News
P. S. Click this Amazon link to view for free the first two chapters of our new novel Blue Sky.
“I’m afraid there’s been an accident…”
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Sandy receives shocking news that her children aren’t safe, which brings back haunting memories of the trauma she experienced as a girl. Then, the unthinkable happens…
A brutal attack puts Sandy on the brink of losing everything she’s loved. Her faith in God and the family she cherishes are pushed to the ultimate limit.
Is healing possible when so many loved ones are hurt? Are miracles really possible through the power of prayer? Can life return to the way it was before?
Blue Sky reveals how a mother’s most basic instinct isn’t for survival… but for family.
If you’re a fan of Karen Kingsbury, then you’ll love Blue Sky. Get your copy today on paperback or kindle.
-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.
To receive a personally signed copy within North America, just etransfer at ed_hird@telus.net, giving your address. Cheques are also acceptable.
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
To purchase any of our six books in paperback or ebook on Amazon, just click on this link.
Sandy Brown and her family have just moved to Spokane, Washington where her husband, Scott, is pastoring a new church. With a fresh start, Sandy is determined to devote more time to her four children. But, within weeks of settling in their new life, the Brown family is plunged into turmoil.
Prime Minister Lester Pearson’s wife Maryon once famously quipped “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.”
Edhird's Blog 