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Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit


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Conquering the Mañana Disease

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

I have been planning on writing this ‘Mañana’ article for several months, but I never got around to it.  Manana is a Spanish word for ‘tomorrow’. There is an old saying “Why do today what you can put off ‘till tomorrow?” Some have coined the expression “mañana disease”, which means to procrastinate and put things off until tomorrow.  The term ‘procrastinate’ is literally Latin “for tomorrow (crastinus)”.

Once a year in January, many of us take time to make New Year’s Resolutions.  Many of us vow to finish certain important tasks that we have been putting off.  For some of us, it may be finding a new job, getting married, having a child, buying a house, earning a University degree, or restoring a broken relationship.

King Solomon 3,000 years ago had this advice for people struggling with the mañana disease: “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider her ways and be wise.” (Proverbs 6:6)

 Solomon challenges each of us to not let fear hold us back: “The sluggard says ‘there is a lion in the road, a fierce lion roaming in the streets.’ (Proverbs 26:13)

 Solomon encourages us to not be arrogant and unteachable: “The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who answer discreetly.” (Proverbs 26:16).  Solomon cautions us not to become addicted to our pillows: “As a door turns on its hinges, so a sluggard turns on his bed.” (Proverbs 26:14).  The ancient word for procrastination is sloth, one of the seven deadly sins.  Solomon humorously points out that sloth can become so addictive that nothing gets done: “The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.” (Proverbs 26:15).

Why do we procrastinate?  I procrastinated for years in writing my second book “Battle for the Soul of Canada.”*  Sometimes conquering procrastination seems like too much stress, too much work.  I believe that the rise of the ‘living together’ phenomenon in our culture has a lot to do with marital procrastination, especially for men.  The average age for men to be married is now 34; for women, it is 31.  Many people are waiting for the perfect time to tie the knot, the perfect financial situation, perfect educational situation, perfect housing situation, perfect emotional connectedness.  Perfectionism is at the core of the mañana disease.  Our grandparents rarely experienced perfect lives. Somehow they were able to get married and get on with their lives.

For many men, the concept of having children is even more threatening than being married.  The imagined weight of responsibility can be overwhelming.  It is interesting that in the most affluent parts of the world, we are having fewer children and at a much later stage of life.  The biological clock is on a collision course with the mañana disease.  The irony of Quebec is that its fear of cultural extinction is now becoming a biological reality.  Quebec, which had the highest birthrate, now has the lowest birthrate in North America.  Mañana has real consequences.

I love the poster I saw recently of a huge polar bear lying prone on an iceberg.  The caption goes: “When I get the feeling to do something, I lie down until the feeling goes away.”  Charles Dickens in his famous novel David Copperfield wisely observed: “Procrastination is the thief of time.”  I have found that later often means never.  Life moves on.  People die.  People move away.  Nothing on this earth is permanent.

 We all mean very well in our hearts.  Sometimes we fail to show it to our spouses, our children, our parents, our siblings.  It is so easy to put off saying “I’m sorry.  I was wrong.  How can I make it up to you?  I’ll try not to do that again.  Will you please forgive me”.  It is so easy to let relationships die because of the mañana disease.

When I first came to St. Simon’s North Vancouver, I said to our congregation: “If I haven’t offended you yet, you don’t know me well enough.”  They all laughed at the time, but later found out that I was dead serious.  All of us have the ability to offend others.  We even have the ability to offend ourselves.  Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves.  Women especially are often the hardest on themselves, turning their anger inward.  Perhaps conquering the mañana disease may involve looking yourself in the mirror, and with God’s help, forgiving yourself.  Many people, who have been through a painful divorce or an abortion, secretly condemn themselves for years.  God knows and God forgives, if we will only open our hearts to Him.  Say no to the mañana disease.

In this New Year, my challenge for  those reading this article to seize the day, redeem the time, forgive those who need forgiving, and get on with our life both now and for eternity.  Are you ready yet to meet your Maker?

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin

-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier/North Shore News

-award-winning author of the book Battle for the Soul of Canada

for better for worse-Click to check out our newest marriage book For Better For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship on Amazon. You can even read the first two chapters for free to see if the book speaks to you.

 

-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available in paperback and ebook.

It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook ), Amazon France (paperback and ebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.

Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version.  You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD.  This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99 CDN/USD.

-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca 


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Romancing the Heart of Stone

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

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What is Love, said one anonymous blogger? “It is a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.”

Shakespeare wrote: “Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs. Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes. Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers tears. What is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall and a preserving sweet.”

The famous Pirate Captain Blackbeard was a firm believer in marriage. Some say that he had fourteen wives in different ports.  Howard Hughes as a modern-day pirate Howard Hughes picturereportedly had over 250 partners/girlfriends stashed in different locations, many which falsely believed that they were married to Hughes. Perhaps this is why Marilyn Monroe sadly commented: “A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.”

Despite all the cynicism and marital meltdown, North Americans still spend $13 billion on Valentines Day gifts, including 200 million roses, 40 million heart-shaped candy boxes, and $3 billion on jewelry.

We live in an age when many couples wake up with each other, and then try to figure out whether or not they want a commitment.  Given the ambivalent procrastination of our post-modern culture, it is not surprising that some couples are still stuck on the way to the altar even after their second child.  Some want to be completely financially secure first, even to the point of having all the money for their dream Hawaii honeymoon. Without that, they say, marital commitment is just unthinkable.

The biblical position is that ‘true love waits’.  The confusion of our culture does make true love wait, not for sex, but for marriage.  When God’s standards for intimacy are disregarded, the look-alike solutions become more and more ambivalent. Even living together is now seen as too committed by some young couples.  All this leaves many young people jaded and detached, with ever higher standards of who might ever qualify as their future marital partner.

In the movieRomancing the Stone Poster Romancing the Stone, Joan Wilder a romance writer meets Jack Colton who violates every one of her imaginary ideas of what a real man will act like.  Romancing the Stone reminds us that real romance involves the messiness and disappointments of everyday life.  Dr Karl Menninger, the famous psychiatrist, said: “Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.”

Eighteen years ago, I wrote a Deep Cove Crier article about Marriage Encounter in which I wrote the following words: “Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.”  Recently I discovered that those words have now been posted on hundreds of Romance websites  http://bit.ly/35E4or  Why would so many Romance websites be posting my words?

My hunch, as Dr Gil Stieglitz puts it, is that one of the deepest needs of wives is to be truly understood by their husbands.  Many men mistakenly think that this is impossible.  It is our job as husbands to carefully study our wives that we know them even better than they may know themselves.

Dr Gil Stieglitz 2Dr Gil Stieglitz tells us in his video series ‘The Five Problems of Marriage’ that one of the top needs of wives is for romance, to be nurtured and pursued.  Some husbands don’t realize that they still need to date their wives, even after they are finally married to them.  To some men, dating their wives is unthinkable. It would be like trying to get on a bus that they are already on.

Alfred Lord Tennyson romantically wrote: “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.”  Romance is not an option. It is fundamental in any healthy marriage. If we have not been romancing our wife lately, she may be suspicious of our initial efforts. It may feel like we are romancing a stone, a stony heart. That is where perseverance and gentleness are so vital in the pursuit.

My wife finds it very romantic when I take out the garbage and do the dishes. Your wife needs to know that she is the most beautiful woman on earth, that she is a precious gift of God to you.  Romance is saying, like Robert Browning, to your wife: “Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be.”

The Great Physician of our souls said: “This is my commandment that you love one another. No greater love has anyone than to lay your life down for your friends. jesus2 The Good Book says that he that does not love doesn’t know God, because God is love.  Pearl Buck the famous novelist wrote: “Love alone could waken love.”

Why are women spending so many billions of dollars each year on romance novels? Largely because there is an unmet need in their life that only you as their husband can fully meet. Your wife is waiting for you to romance her, to win her, to woo her. What are you waiting for?

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin

-author of the award-winning book Battle for the Soul of Canada

-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier/North Shore News

for better for worse-Click to check out our newest marriage book For Better For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship on Amazon. You can even read the first two chapters for free to see if the book speaks to you.

 

-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available in paperback and ebook.

It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook ), Amazon France (paperback and ebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.

Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version.  You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, 102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, Canada V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, 102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, Canada V4A 0A5

. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD.  This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca