Edhird's Blog

Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit


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The Summer Pause that Refreshes

By the Rev. Dr.  Ed Hird

As summer rolls into August, we know that we are entering the home stretch of the holiday season.  Most of us really enjoy our summer holidays, particularly when the weather co-operates.  Earlier this summer it seemed like summer was never going to start.  Then suddenly it felt too hot but people didn’t want to complain because we were so grateful to see the sunshine.  There is something about a sunny day that can help with a sunny personality.  That is why so many people move to California.  But good weather alone does not guarantee the summer pause that refreshes.

                I remember when I first went to Hawaii.  The weather, surfing, swimming, and sights were great.  The only problem with Hawaii was that I was there.  I

low angle photography of coconut trees

Photo by Michelle Clement on Pexels.com

brought with myself that same sense of emptiness, that something was missing from my life.  Last year, when I once again visited Hawaii, I happened to stumble upon a bagpipe ceremony for a person who had died tragically young.  Just a few feet from a beautiful Hawaiian beach, I was reminded that all the beauty of creation doesn’t ultimately satisfy our inner longings.  I love the beauty of creation particularly on a beautiful summer day, but the beauty of creation is meant to point beyond itself to the beauty of its Creator.

                I come from a long line of overfunctioners and hard workers.  Sometimes people in my family of origin have neglected the summer pause that refreshes.  Sometimes they have attempted to keep going in their own strength.  Sooner or later the body gets its revenge.   Either we enter into the pause that refreshes or our body will force us to stop, sometimes in a rather shocking way.  The Creator of this amazing world designed our bodies so that they worked best if we took pauses that refresh.  That is why healthy people take regular days off.  That is why summer holidays are so vital to our health.  The Good Book calls the pause that refreshes the Sabbath.  Similarly academics call their pause that refreshes a sabbatical.  No one can function at their best on a 24/7 basis.

                Because of our workaholic culture, some people do summer holidays with the same frenetic intensity, leaving them more exhausted than they started.  They never pause to reflect, to enjoy, to observe, and to renew.  No wonder that so many people half-jokingly say that they need a holiday just to recover from their holiday.  What if in the final portion of the summer holidays, we actually rested?  The heart of the Hebrew word ‘sabbath’ is ‘rest’.  The Great Physician once said ‘Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’  So often our souls are weary, burdened, and restless.  What if this summer we embraced the pause that refreshes?  What if during this holiday season we actually rested?  What if this summer we allowed the beauty of creation to point us back to the author of creation?  My  prayer for those reading this article is that we would each become deeply refreshed and renewed in our body, soul, and spirit.

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin

-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier/North Shore News

-award-winning author of the book Battle for the Soul of Canada

for better for worse-Click to check out our newest marriage book For Better For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship on Amazon. You can even read the first two chapters for free to see if the book speaks to you.

 

-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form.  Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.

In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available in paperback and ebook. It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook), Amazon France (paperback and ebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.

Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version.  You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, 102 – 15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, V4A 0A5, Canada.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ED HIRD, 102 – 15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, V4A 0A5. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD.  This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca 


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Why does it sometimes feel like men and women are from different planets?

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

Is it okay to suggest in this post-modern culture that  we as men and women are equal but often different?  Too often equality becomes reduced to a sterile sameness.  True equality between the sexes involves a joyous celebrating of our very real differences.  Men and women are so wonderfully different that many authors have been writing books exploring this unique key to marital and relational satisfaction.  We really do come from different ‘worlds’ as men and women.

Gary Smalley, the best-selling author on relationships, has put enormous research in exploring just how male/female differences actually affect us.  Smalley comments that “most marital difficulties center around one fact – men and women are TOTALLY different…virtually every cell in a man’s body has a chromosome makeup entirely different from those in a woman’s body.”  Dr. James Dobson says that there is strong evidence indicating that the ‘seat’ of the emotions in a man’s brain is wired differently than in a woman’s.

Greater understanding of our differences can bring greater acceptance and love between men and women.  Dr. Paul Popenoe, founder of the American Institute of Family Relations in Los Angeles, dedicated most of his working life to the research of biological differences between the sexes.  He found that females outlive males by four to eight years because of their greater constitutional vitality and perhaps because of their unique chromosome makeup.  Women’s thyroid is larger and more active than that of men, giving them a greater resistance to cold.  Women’s blood contains more water and 20 percent fewer red cells.  Since the red cells supply oxygen to the body cells, women in general tire more easily.  An illustration of this is that when the working day in British factories was increased from ten to twelve hours during wartime conditions, accidents increased 150 percent among women but not at all among men.  Women can withstand high temperatures better than men because their metabolism slows down less.

Another important difference is in the area of women’s intuitive gifting.  Smalley holds that each woman has a built-in marriage manual within her.  She intuitively knows  what she needs, what the relationship needs, and what, if anything, is wrong with the marriage.  All she needs is a husband who is courageous enough to ask her to share her marriage manual with him.

Neuropsychologists McGuinness and Tribran led a Stanford University research team investigating this unique intuitive capacity.  They discovered  that women do in fact catch subliminal messages faster and more accurately than men.  Someone has observed that women often use logic more as a tool, while men tend to treat logic as the bottom line.  In my own life, I have had to retrain myself over the years to stop shutting down my intuitive impressions, in favour of what seemed to be the obvious logical course of action.  I have found that when I close down and ignore my intuitive perceptions, they become weaker and much fainter.

Gary Smalley admits that generalizations about gender differences are probably only true 70 or 80 percent of the time.  Every individual is indeed an individual.  Even so it is amazing how many couples are finding a new lease on their marriage through learning to rejoice in gender differences.  Smalley noted how often men tend to be focused on gathering and sharing facts.  Facts can far too easily swallow up feelings in marriage.  This can lead us as men to be “Mr. Fix-it’s” in our intimate relationships.  Yet there is no better way to destroy a healthy marriage than to attempt to fix our wives and solve their problems.  Smalley and others remind us that our addiction to fixing our wives must be replaced by a radical commitment to just being there and listening, no matter how helpless and painful that makes us feel.  When our wives keep talking about their problems,  we often fall into the trap of defensiveness, somehow feeling that we’re to blame.  Yet in fact the most healing thing that we can do is to not run, and not defend ourselves, but rather hang in there with our total attention on our wives.

John Gray observes that when a woman gives advice to another woman, it is most often seen as an act of kindness and generosity.  Women firmly believe that when something is working, it can always work better.  Their nature is to want to improve things.  Gray observes however that this “Home Improvement” tendency often backfires when applied across the gender divide.  Offering help and advice to a man can make him feel incompetent, weak, and even unloved.  Advice in the male world is usually only received well when asked for in the first place.  Gray holds that one of the best gifts a wife can give her husband is to abstain from giving him advice, and instead give him acceptance and approval.  A man’s deepest fear, says Gray, is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent.  Accordingly one of the best gifts a woman can give her man is to believe in him, and to stand with him, when he begins to doubts his own abilities.

The Good Book calls men to love their wives as themselves and for wives to honour their husbands.  Why does it say this?  Because as men we are often crippled in expressing romantic love.  Why do romance novels sell by the hundreds of millions?  Primarily because we men are missing out on this very deep need of our wives to be cared for and romantically loved.  Too often our marriages become predictable and stale as a result.  Why then does the Good Book call wives to honour their husbands?  Because in this dog-eat-dog competitive world, if our wives won’t honour us and believe in us, then no one likely will.  When my wife honours me, I feel like a million dollars.  My prayer is that many husbands and wives reading this message may learn to rejoice in their glorious God-given gender differences.

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin

-award-winning author of the book Battle for the Soul of Canada

-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier/North Shore News

for better for worse-Click to check out our newest marriage book For Better For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship on Amazon. You can even read the first two chapters for free to see if the book speaks to you.

 

-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form.  Dr. JI Packer wrote the foreword, saying “I heartily commend what he has written.” The book focuses on strengthening a new generation of healthy leaders. Drawing on examples from Titus’ healthy leadership in the pirate island of Crete, it shows how we can embrace a holistically healthy life.

In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available in paperback and ebook. It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook), Amazon France (paperback and ebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.

Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version.  You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, 102 – 15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, V4A 0A5, Canada.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ED HIRD, 102 – 15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, V4A 0A5. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD.  This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca 


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….Goes Before A Fall

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

What goes before a fall?   The Good Book says ‘Pride’.  “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18)  What is pride, anyway?  The Concise Oxford Dictionary defines pride as ‘overweening opinion of one’s own qualities, merits’ and ‘proud’ as ‘haughty, arrogant’.

Roget’s Thesaurus speaks of the double-edged nature of pride.  Many people use the term to refer to satisfaction in their children’s accomplishments, or to self-respect.  But Roget’s Thesaurus reminds that pride is also connected to “arrogance, haughtiness, insolence, loftiness, lordliness, overbearingness, presumption, superiority, narcissism, vanity, egotism.”  Hence we see the origin of the 1960’s slang phrase “ego trip”.

Why is pride spoken of as the first of the seven deadly sins?  Perhaps because pride causes us to forget our Maker: “your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt, the land of slavery.”  Pride is basically non-productive and unteachable: “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice”. (Proverbs 13:10)  Pride is self-destructive: “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”(Proverbs 11:10)  Pride is the spirit of the mocker: “The proud and arrogant man-“Mocker” is his name; he behaves with overweening pride.” (Proverbs 21:24).  In High School, many ‘Big Men on Campus’ become proud and mocking while they are ‘the big fish in a small pond’.  But things change when they go into the real world. Pride goes before a fall.

 The most difficult thing about pride is that it is like bad breath: easy to detect in others, and hard to detect in ourselves.  Pride has to do with a sense of entitlement, that we deserve everything that we have, that the world owes us a living.  The most famous human being once said in Mark 7:22 that pride comes from within our hearts and actually makes us unclean (non-kosher).  Pride separates from others, by seducing us into thinking that we are better than others.  Pride is the root cause of every caste system, every class system, and every system of racial hatred.  That is why the Good Book says: “Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” (Romans 12:16)  Pride goes before a fall.

Pride makes it very difficult to admit our need for anyone else, even God himself.  Pride feeds the illusion that we are completely independent and self-sufficient.  That is why Jesus said that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter God’s Kingdom.  Yet real breakthrough happens when we admit our need, our helpless and powerless over life’s struggles.

CS Lewis’ wife, Joy Davidman, resisted her need for God for many years.  She writes: “God had been stalking me for a very long time, waiting for his moment; he crept nearer so silently that I never knew he was there. Then, all at once, he sprang.  For the first time in my life I felt helpless; for the first time my pride was forced to admit that I was not, after all, ‘the master of my fate’.”

Pride and humility are total opposites.  That is why both James and Peter quote Proverbs 3:10 that “God opposes and resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”  Let me ask you a question: Do we really want the Maker of the Universe to be opposing and resisting us?  Yet that is what is guaranteed if we don’t deal with the pride issue. God will resist us at work, at home, in society.  Pride may not be a big deal to us, but it certainly is to God. Why is God so opposed to pride?  Because it cripples our ability to really love others around us.  As the famous poem in 1st Corinthians 13 puts it, love is not proud.  Why are so many people successful in business and failures at home?  Pride goes before a fall.

Pride, like alcohol addiction, is cunning, baffling, and powerful.  It is almost impossible to destroy head-on.  The secret to taming one’s pride is gratitude and thanksgiving.  As John Fischer puts it, “a thankful heart cancels out pride and arrogance. No need to judge other people when you are thankful for who you are. No need to measure yourself by and compare yourself to others when you are thankful for what God has done in your life.”  Gratitude is a deep sense that life is a gift from a gracious giver.  Gratitude is best expressed by the ancient words: “All things come from You, O Lord, and of your own have we given You.”

 

My prayer for those reading this article is that each of us will gratefully lay our pride and self-sufficiency down at the foot of our Maker.

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin

-an article previously published in the Deep Cove Crier/North Shore News

-award-winning author of the book Battle for the Soul of Canada

for better for worse-Click to check out our newest marriage book For Better For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship on Amazon. You can even read the first two chapters for free to see if the book speaks to you.

 

-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available in paperback and ebook.

It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook ), Amazon France (paperback and ebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.

Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version.  You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD.  This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

for better for worse-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca 


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A Deep Cove Love Story

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

On May 19th 1987 at 2:15 in the afternoon, I met a dear couple who changed my life.  I had no idea that I would spend the next twenty-one years getting to know them better. As long-term Deep Cove residents, Mr and Mrs Ashley and Rita Carr helped a rather naïve, well-meaning 32-year-old Anglican clergyman learn more about the meaning of life.

As some of the longest members of St. Simon’s North Vancouver, Rita and Ashley taught me much about the people and life of our congregation back in the early pioneering 1950s.  Some of their stories, especially about going fishing with Bud the local Anglican priest, were hilarious and full of fun.  Rita and Ashley had a way of making a person feel deeply loved and welcomed.  They truly lived out the Golden Rule and the Good Book’s call to love one’s neighbour as themselves.

I will always remember that first home visit with Rita and Ashley on Dollarton Highway.  As she always did in each succeeding visit, Rita fed me with juice and cookies, and then asked about my family and the congregation.  She said to me “It’s about time to get back into the fold”, commenting that when children get older, it’s easy to become inactive.

Some people say nice things to clergy to make them feel better, hoping that they will go away.  Rita and Ashley were people of their word.  First Rita came back to church, dropped off by Ashley. But gradually Ashley returned as well. They had their favorite seat in the congregation.  Even though the Carrs were older, they loved the liveliness of the younger people in our contemporary 10:30am service.

Rita and Ashley aged well.  They were one of the most loving and good-natured older couples that I have known. Their deep love for each other ‘for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part’ was an inspiration to many younger couples. Rita was part of the Sweet Adelines singers for many years.  She really was one of the sweetest Deep Cove residents that I have had the privilege of meeting.  Rita and Ashley were always so good-tempered and kind to others.  Even in the worst of times, they always left me feeling better after visiting them.

At the end of every home visit, I would offer to read the bible and pray with them.  Rita was a deep woman of prayer.  She always prayed with me for each member of her family that they would know Jesus’ love for them.  Even after her health made her a shut-in, Rita kept in touch with her church family and friends.  It was hard for her to not be able to attend her regular Thursday morning St. Simon’s NV home group.  But she was always there in spirit.

On July 4th 2008, Rita went home to be with the Lord.  Her husband Ashley deeply misses her. As a World War II ‘war bride’, Rita had three homes: England, Deep Cove and Heaven.  Rita was ready to go Home.  She had a deep confidence in what Jesus had accomplished for her on the cross, and a quiet assurance of the reality of life after death.  Like many in the Deep Cove/Seymour community, I deeply miss Rita, and look forward to having ‘English tea’ with her some day in heaven.

One summer I was privileged to take the wedding of Ashley and Rita Carr’s granddaughter right in the Carr condominion.  During the marriage service, I reminded their granddaughter of the great example that Rita had set, of Rita’s love and faithfulness: “Be like Rita.  The love of Jesus shone through her.”

 

 

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin

– previously published in the Deep Cove Crier/North Shore News

-award-winning author of the book Battle for the Soul of Canada

for better for worse-Click to check out our newest marriage book For Better For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship on Amazon. You can even read the first two chapters for free to see if the book speaks to you.

 

 

-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available in paperback and ebook.

It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook ), Amazon France (paperback and ebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.

Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version.  You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD.  This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca 


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Fit for the Master

 By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

Many homes have beautiful dining rooms specially set apart for guests.  My family always uses the dining room for Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays.  I have noticed that the dining room for most families has its own traditions.  “Go to a fine home”, says Dr. Thomas Oden, “and you will see that there are two types of silverware- the good silver and the utensils for daily use. There are the beautiful articles that have been kept for generations and will be passed on as heirlooms…”

This distinction between utensils seems to be hardwired into us.  To illustrate this point, just try your family’s silver punchbowl for scrubbing the floor, and see if you have any reaction from your wife or mother.

 The Good Book says in 2nd Timothy 2:20 that ‘in a large house there are vessels not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble.”  The Good Book also teaches that we can choose what kind of vessels that we are going to be, whether we are used for the dining room or scrubbing the floor

The key to being used in the dining room is catharsis, the Greek word for cleansing.  The Hebrew word ‘Kosher’ simply means ‘clean’.  Like my father, I actually enjoy cleaning the dishes, one of my few kitchen abilities!  Raymond Collins commented that a person is like a dish insofar as both have to be clean in order to be put to another use.  Have you ever been served food on a dish that was not cleansed from the last person who used it?

In the East African/Rwandan revival, people were thought of as each holding a water pot.  Our heavenly Father wants to fill us with the water of life, but cannot or will not do so if our water pots are defiled by sin, anger, self-pity or impurity.  As the famous song puts it, “Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord! Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.”  The Good Book says in 2nd Timothy 2:21 that if a person cleanses himself, he will be fit for the Master.

Now is a great time to cleanse ourselves from anything that will keep us from being fit for the Master.  Keeping fit is God’s better way, physically, mentally and spiritually.  Many people go to Fitness classes.  Have you ever thought of going to church as God’s fitness class, as God’s gym? God wants you fit as a fiddle, fit for the master, useful for every good work.

If each of us are willing to do the work of catharsis, cleansing ourselves from bitterness, self-pity, anger, guilt, shame, and fear, then God will invite us into his dining room and make use of us at his family meals.  Can you think of a more fitting place to be?

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin

-previously published in the North Shore News

-award-winning author of the book Battle for the Soul of Canada

for better for worse-Click to check out our newest marriage book For Better For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship on Amazon. You can even read the first two chapters for free to see if the book speaks to you.

 

-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available in paperback and ebook.

It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook ), Amazon France (paperback and ebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.

Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version.  You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD.  This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca 


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Only Five Problems in any Marriage

By Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

Marriage can often be overwhelming for many.  That is why I so much appreciate the initiative being taken by Dr. Gil Stieglitz in bringing new hope to marriages.  Through his years of study and practical interaction with many couples, Gil has discovered that there are only five problems in any marriage.  This insight is helpful, especially for men.  It helps us get a handle on the challenges that we face in developing intimacy, that there are only five problems in any marriage.

 

 Dr. Gil summarizes the five problems of marriage as

1) Needs or Roles

2) SSSAAADDD Behaviours (when our needs are not being met)

3) Temperament Differences

4) Relational Drainage

5) Past Baggage

 He has seen phenomenal breakthroughs when couples begin to address and work on these five key areas.  To assist marriages, he has developed a six-part DVD series  , with accompanying books, which walk couples through each of these five areas.

Dr. Gil, who pastored a congregation for many years, believes that churches can make a big difference in helping strengthen marriages.  After all, God both invented and is deeply committed to the ‘institution’ of marriage.  During the twenty-three years that I have been pastoring St. Simon’s North Vancouver, I have seen many outwardly successful people on the North Shore whose inner lives were crumbling because of relational challenges.  Sometimes it takes a major crisis, like a marriage struggle, before we are willing to cry out to God and admit how much we need him.  Many men that I have known are totally baffled when their wife finally packs up and leaves.

Dr. Gil believes in being very practical in the help that he offers to men and women.  So he has developed two acrostics that assist us to build marriages of great joy.  For men, he has developed the acrostic: H.U.S.B.A.N.D. which identifies the fourteen top needs of our wives. (Honour, Understanding, Security, Building Unity, Agreement, Nurture, Defender).  Love, says Dr. Gil, is meeting needs.  The first letter “H” (Honour) has been most helpful for me personally.  Dr. Gil teaches that women do something every day that many men don’t.  They give an informal ‘computer test’ to their spouse to see where they are in the structure of his priorities: “Are they above his work or below his work, above the children or below his children, above his hobbies or below his hobbies?”  If the wife does not win that computer test, guess who loses.  The husband does, because the wife cannot blossom and respond to him from the depth of her being.  Every day, the husband needs to honour or add value to his wife in practical, specific ways.

Many men know how to be men, but not husbands.  The word ‘Husband’ actually comes from the term ‘Husbandman’, which means ‘gardener’.  We as husbands are called to ‘garden’ our wife, to nurture her, care for her, and put her first under God.  You can find out more about the ‘H.U.S.B.A.N.D.’ acrostic by checking out Dr. Gil’s book ‘How to Be a Godly Husband’ .

For Wives, Dr. Gil and Dana Stieglitz have developed the acrostic ‘R.A.D.I.C.A.L.’ which identify the top fourteen needs of one’s husband (Respect, Adaptability, Domestic Leadership, Intimacy, Companionship, Attractiveness, and Listening).  Along with the Marriage DVDs, Gil and Dana Stieglitz have co-written a book “Building a Marriage of Great Joy” which explains how to be a ‘RADICAL’ wife

Gil and Dana teach that respecting or acknowledging the strengths of one’s husband meets a deep need, but is not always easy for women to do.  In the same way that wives want their husbands to give them unconditional love, husbands need their wives to give them unconditional respect.  As the Good Book puts it in Ephesians 5:23, “Husbands, love your wives and, Wives, respect your husband.”

 

I am so pleased about Dr Gil’s  book Marital Intelligence that brings together all of this material into one helpful book.  My prayer is that those hearing about these resources will not just be hearers of the word but doers of the word who put this into practice in their own marriages.

 

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin

-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier/North Shore News

-award-winning author of the book Battle for the Soul of Canada

for better for worse-Click to check out our newest marriage book For Better For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship on Amazon. You can even read the first two chapters for free to see if the book speaks to you.

 

-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available in paperback and ebook.

It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook ), Amazon France (paperback and ebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.

Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version.  You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD.  This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca 


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I’m On Aslan’s Side

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

There is a renewed attention these days to CS Lewis’  fascinating Aslan character.  What is it about Aslan the Lion that even outdrew the mighty King Kong at the box office?  Why is Aslan so effective in breaking through our adult pessimism and negativity?

One of the most interesting Narnia creatures is the Marshwiggle, a symbol of negativity, pessimism, and reliable gloom.  In the Narnia Chronicles’ ‘Silver Chair’, the Green Witch says to the Narnians: “Put away these childish tricks.  I have work for you in the real world. There is no Narnia, no overworld, no sky, no sun, no Aslan.”  The Marshwiggle remarkably responds by affirming: “I ‘m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it.  I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can, even if there isn’t any Narnia.”

It is easy to be cynical and bitter.  It took courage for the Marshwiggle to look past his natural negativity and cling to the promises of Aslan.  The Narnia Chronicles have been teaching me once again that only the childlike can enter the Kingdom of Narnia.  Even the Lion of Judah once said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” (Matthew 18:3)

There is a major difference between being childish and childlike.  The Narnia Chronicles comments that “even in this world, of course, it is the stupidest children who are the most childish and the stupidest grownups who are the most grown-up.” The famous ‘love chapter’ of 1 Corinthians 13 encourages us ‘to put away childish things’ As the Pevensie children journeyed throughout their Narnia adventures, they became less childish and more mature both in outward appearance and inner character.  Yet simultaneously they became more childlike in their willingness to trust and admit their need for others, especially their need for Aslan.  In the Narnia blockbuster ‘The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe’, the children cry out ‘Aslan, I need your help’, to which Aslan responds “I know, but the future of Narnia depends on your courage.”  Only the truly childlike can be truly courageous.  If we depend on our own strength alone, life tends to sap us of our inner fortitude.

It takes real courage to admit how tough and sad life can sometimes be.  Only the truly childlike know how important it is to weep and grieve from time to time.  At the death of the Narnian King Caspian, “all three stood and wept. Even (Aslan) the Lion wept: great lion tears, each tear more precious than the earth would be if it was a single diamond.”  Childlike tears can be deeply healing. That is why Jesus said: “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” That is why the shortest sentence in the entire bible is ‘Jesus wept’.  The Good Book poignantly says that Aslan puts every one of our tears in a bottle.

Perhaps most importantly, only the childlike can truly hear Aslan’s voice.  Aslan said to Polly regarding Uncle Andrew in ‘The Magician and His Nephew’: “He has made himself unable to hear my voice. If I spoke to him, he would only hear growlings and roarings.  Oh Adam’s sons, how cleverly you defend yourselves against all that might do you good.”  Aslan says to each of us: “Come farther in. Come farther up.  Come to the real land of Narnia, the land you have been looking for all your life.” Let Aslan give you ‘the wild kisses of a Lion’.  Let Aslan bring you to life as you walk with childlike faith through the Wardrobe.

 

 

The Rev. Dr. Ed Hird, BSW, MDiv, DMin

-previously published in the North Shore News

-award-winning author of the book Battle for the Soul of Canada

for better for worse-Click to check out our newest marriage book For Better For Worse: discovering the keys to a lasting relationship on Amazon. You can even read the first two chapters for free to see if the book speaks to you

 

-The sequel book Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit is available online with Amazon.com in both paperback and ebook form. In Canada, Amazon.ca has the book available in paperback and ebook.

It is also posted on Amazon UK (paperback and ebook ), Amazon France (paperback and ebook), and Amazon Germany (paperback and ebook).

Restoring Health is also available online on Barnes and Noble in both paperback and Nook/ebook form.  Nook gives a sample of the book to read online.

Indigo also offers the paperback and the Kobo ebook version.  You can also obtain it through ITunes as an IBook.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Ave, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD.  This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

-Click to purchase the Companion Bible Study by Jan Cox (for the Battle of the Soul of Canada) in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon.ca